Surviving Going Out in Public: Practicing a Resting Bitch Face

Whenever I am out and about- from taking public transit to work or wandering around on the weekend- the general public tends to approach me and either ask:

 1) For directions; or
 2) Some sort of odd line of questioning that I immediately try to get out of.

This has happened on countless occasions. I must look approachable or maybe I look like I know where I am going. I don't. I am directionally challenged and generally just wander around until I get to the place I want to go. I will give you directions if you ask, but you will probably end up meandering down some back alley somewhere, horribly lost and wondering why that nice blonde lady led you astray. 

I have no problem helping people when they are lost...but I am slightly adverse to the odd line of questioning and conversations that I end up roped in to. Just this past weekend while sitting on the LRT, a well dressed man came up to me and said:

 "Are you amenable to changing occupations? I work for a credit and debt counselling company and I want you to work for me. I will give you my number and you can give me yours and we can set up an appointment". 

Now, this is either the worst pick up line in the history of pick up lines...or else the strangest job offer I have ever received. There were at least 50 other people on the train and he chose me as a viable candidate.  Why? I guess I will never know.

In order to reduce the frequency of these little chats, I have decided to work on my "resting bitch face". The first time I ever heard of this was during a girl's weekend in Toronto. The original video is fantastic and should be watched if you have not seen it yet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v98CPXNiSk

This past week I have been working on the resting bitch face. I thought I was doing well until a homeless guy walked past me on the street and yelled "HEY!!! SMILING IS FREE YOU KNOW". 

I don't think there is a way to win this.

Are you in your late 20's or early 30's? Yes? Then you are probably doing 1 of these 3 things.

Within the last few months, I've noticed that almost everyone on Facebook (well everyone on my Facebook, which I suppose is a general cross-section of mid-20 to early 30 year old middle-class Canadians) can be fitted nicely into a few categories based solely on their update status and photos, myself included. There are a few outliers of course...but in general, there are three main categories:

1) Expanding the family:
These are the people that are getting engaged/married/having babies. 99% of the facebook updates will include photos about the engagement/wedding/impending baby arrival. The importance of the correct shade of pale pink and off white (Eggshell or vanilla..ooo! Maybe ecru??) and hand made decor to compliment the upcoming nuptials show the dedication this group has towards a perfect wedding and a perfectly decorated baby room.

2) Budding Photographer:
These people like taking photos. They like taking photos so much they have spent thousands on Nikon cameras and fancy lenses to capture their entire life in beautiful, photoshopped, colour-enhanced  or black and white detail. This group considers themselves artistic, being able to find the je ne sais quoi in the monotony of everyday life. This group has also starting up their own photography business (advertising on Facebook but of course) and going out every weekend to do photo shoots for the people posting about their weddings and engagements and also the people posting about their babies.

3) Head Chef and/or Smug Foodie:
Ahh finally...this is where I fit in. Except I was ridiculous enough to spend thousands of dollars and go to pastry school. Don't get me wrong, Cordon Bleu was amazing and I would do it all over again given the chance...but sometimes I wonder if I just has a mini quarter life crisis and decided to be a pastry chef/chocolatier.
This group fancies themselves the food critic of the group, finding new restaurants to go to and eat deconstructed meals for exorbitant prices. In many cases, lists are kept of places to try, plates are photographed at the restaurant, and meals are recreated at dinner parties hosted by the smug foodie. These people also have a large collection of cook books, a ridiculous amount of kitchen equipment and will talk your ear off over the benefits of maldon sea salt over regular old sodium chloride.

As one final comment, these 3 groups can also blend together (the horror!), resulting in smug foodie photographers, bride/groom chefs creating their own dinner and wedding cake for the big day and new mom's/dad's using a vitamix (ooo ya a vitamix...beautiful) to create gourmet baby puree...and then post photos of the artfully decorated jars on Facebook...in sepia tones.

The joys of being serenaded on public transit

Edmonton...the capital of Alberta. A multicultural social hub, filled with artistic people...and at least one guy who decided to serenade me with "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden at 10am on a Sunday morning on the LRT (public transit train). It was our first weekend in Edmonton (I had just finished my first week back at work) and I was meeting a friend downtown for brunch. I was planning on taking the train downtown as it is a pain in the butt to find parking down there.
 So, as I am waiting for the train to come (15 minute wait between trains on the weekend) a guy, smelling strongly of some sort of alcohol stumbled up to me and managed to slur out "Yuuur the prettiest girl I have seen allllll day". My first thought, "Well damn...I am rocking this U Ottawa hoodie. Gee, I didn't even have to shower today to get this kind of attention". Win.
He then pulled out sheet music for guitar (no he doesn't have a guitar, and no...he doesn't know how to play guitar...yes I asked) and said "Which song do you want me to sing to you?" I answered with the only possible option of "Oh gee...well uhhmm...the train is probably coming soon...soo uhh...just pick your favourite and I will back away slowly".
He chose "Black Hole Sun" and began to sing loudly about a foot away from me.

Thankfully the train came about 10 seconds later. Thanks for the welcome back Edmonton...I can tell it is going to be a good few years.

KoKo Chocolates and why it is awesome.

KoKo Chocolates is an Ottawa based truffle company that makes hand dipped chocolates. I had the opportunity to work there for 2 years or so. Jen Winter, the owner of KoKo was a fantastic mentor and wonderful resource for the goings-on and artisan events that were happening in Ottawa and the surrounding area.
Jen would always attempt to use local ingredients for new truffles and products with KoKo. Jams, spices, teas, coffee and even cranberries were all locally sourced and used in truffle and other chocolate making! While working there I had the opportunity to learn how to temper chocolate in a melter, dip thousands of individual truffles by hand and package those thousands of truffles. You know when you see a chocolate bar and it is wrapped in foil and looks beautiful? Yah...some poor sucker probably spent painstaking hours wrapping it and making the corners perfect! Enjoy that tinfoil wrapping!!!!! I digress.
When we left Ottawa in mid October, I finished my job at KoKo and am now working for the federal government again. I definitely miss making all the truffles (And eating the dudded ones). I can't wait to go back at Christmas and do some artisan shows (and eat a bunch of passionfruit truffles).

A sweet moustache...Movember truffle campaign, 2011

See, I am not always wearing a moustache while at work. Look at this, so professional. LAFF Ottawa, 2013.

To check it out...and order some delicious truffles yourself: http://www.kokochocolates.ca/